I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
