Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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