We won't sleep together?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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