call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
