Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He shit in the fireplace
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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