Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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