..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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