They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she told me i tasted like america
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
