i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dear god my vagina.
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