Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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