This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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