I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
