were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
