So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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