I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
