Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
