he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
