I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
