Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
