hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
