somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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