dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
