I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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