R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
