Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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