terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
