Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
