By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
