You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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