I wanna passion pit in your ass
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
