Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
