This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I have post one night stand depression
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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