so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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