ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He did a backflip because drugs
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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