so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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