Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
