you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
