he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
