so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
