Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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