do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
