i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
