her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
