I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
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