my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
