You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
