you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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