I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
