my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
