If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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