just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
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