you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
