im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
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She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
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Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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