If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize