hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
