I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
