You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
