Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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