Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
