Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
