do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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