My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize