I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
