oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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