shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you inspire me to be a worse person
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
