The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
