it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
