I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
