I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
