Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
